I spent the last few hours of the year fighting the tears from flowing to the surface. My mood was probably triggered by frustrating events that seeped into my evening and made an already tiring day just that more wearisome. However, I found myself looking back on my year and having the oddest reaction. 2012 had been a difficult year, but also an amazing one. 2012 gave me wonderful memories, one of the best being finally graduating from university against all odds. I am truly thankful to be able to see another year through, to have finished with one stage of my life and to be facing my future. I am thankful for the person I became last year and the things I learnt. The people I met and the opportunities I had.
However, at the end you always thinking of the beginning, so my mind travelled back to the beginning of 2012 when I had laughed and danced with my family in church, hopeful about the year to come and determined about the achievements that would come with it. And that’s where the tears come in because I have to say that as I left 2012 I was disappointed in myself. I expected more of myself. In fact I demanded more, but somehow my own demands landed on deaf ears.
In that moment I was dealing with an emotion I have only experienced a few times in my life. Generally, I try to be a happy person. I come from a family that has a way of laughing through whatever struggles we may be facing. Don’t get me wrong I can be as moody as the next gal (actually I would whoop ass in the moody stakes), but I am rarely ever sad. I can count times I have truly felt sadness in my life and the end of December 31st 2012 was one of those days.
I began looking to the future and thinking about where I wanted 2013 to take me, except I hadn’t worked hard enough in 2012 to get me there. I had allowed myself to be distracted by daily struggles forgetting that I had goals to meet. Goals I could easily have met with just a little bit of discipline. But as 2013 began the sadness faded, as did the disappointment and from that rose a new determination not to feel this way December 31st 2013. So I did what we all do when we face a New Year. I get out my notepad and I set new goals and I made adjustments. Now this was all nice and dandy until I now realise the first month of the New Year is gone. In fact it is no longer a new year and despite all the determination and new goals, nothing has changed except for the way I write the date.
Each New Year brings with it hope and an opportunity, not for a fresh start, but to make up for last time. Every day we have on this earth is a gift, so in what I have left of 2013 I am going to make it count. I am going to do the things that I know will truly give me the joy God intended me to have, whether it is finally doing my study of the whole bible, writing my book or starting a business. And this post is the beginning. I was meant to start this blog a long time ago, but I procrastinated, hoping I would get a more exciting life, learn how to write better and that spare time would fall out of the sky. I got busy with the day job and graduate job applications, etc. So this post is me saying that I am not going to let life keep distracting me, but I am going to live the life that I want for myself and take responsibility for my own future. This is me doing my part in creating my own happiness and letting God do the rest.
So here’s my little piece, if there’s something you know you want to do, something that you think will make your life just that little bit better. Just do it. There will never be a convenient time unless you create it. Whether it’s exercising more or learning a new language or learning to skin a rabbit, make a realistic goal and take steps towards achieving it.
Ignoring all fears of sounding like a Nike Advert I am going to say it one more time. Just do it.
Happy New Year everyone. I pray that it is the best one so far.
DISCLAIMER: If what you want to do is a CRIME or a SIN, pretty please DON’T DO IT.