When it comes to my education, I have ultimately always done what I was supposed to do.
In year 9, they said that this was the most important year. They said I had to pass my Sat Exams or I would get put in a low GCSE grouping, then I would fail my GCSEs, then I wouldn't get into university and then I would never have a good job. So I worked harder than any 13 year old should.
Then in year 10 and 11, they said this year was now the most important, because if I failed my GCSEs then I can say bye bye to a good university and then I might as well give up on ever getting a job. So I did all-nighters and studied and worked till I gave everything I had.
Year 12 and 13 came and they said forget about the GCSEs, it’s really all about the A-levels to get into university and get that dream job. And though I was tired at this point and badly in need of sleep, I still kept going, I faltered at times, when crunch time came, God gave me the strength to step up.
Then suddenly I was in a good university and they said you are one step away from that dream job, just keep working. But I was so so tired. I had been working for so long. However, in the same way, God had me miraculously helped me get into university, he helped me leave university with a good degree.
Now I have done it all, it’s time for that dream job. The job I have been working towards since I was 13, so I reach out to get it and all I see are more hoops. Firstly is the application form that I will spend days on. Then numerical tests like the maths GCSE and A Level results are lies. This is followed swiftly by verbal tests just in case the English language and literature GCSEs were flukes and it’s not like I had to write in English to pass every single one of my exams. After they check that I do in fact have a brain, they realise I might not be the type of person that they want so they throw in the personality test.
After that, you finally get to hear a human voice in the first interview (if you are lucky you also see a face) where you are further tested to see if you have enough life experience to make you worthy of the dream job. In some cases, there might also be the assessment day somewhere in the middle of all this, to assess human interaction, because you could have been lying about working with people all these years.
Then there is the second interview, where if the first human likes you, another human will look you over to see that they didn't really make a mistake, because maybe, just maybe the exams I spent 8 years sitting, the application form littered with short essays, the psychometric test after psychometric tests and the last human being could have been wrong. It doesn't matter how smart, how resourceful or how talented you are, if you make one simple mistake in this process you are out! In fact, they are looking for that mistake with all the energy they have.
I get it. I get that there is a lot of competition for very few jobs. I get that it’s the process. But here’s how it is. I am tired. I have been working too hard for the same thing for too long and I simply don’t think I have the energy to jump through one more hoop. I know it’s not meant to be easy, but I am not sure that I have the strength to be further inspected to see if I am worthy.
At this point, all I have the energy to do is pray and hope that God gets me through these hoops, the same way he got me through the other ones.