"Yes I am 22 now."
"Yes I have finished my degree."
"Well I’m looking for a job right now."
"No aunty I don’t have a boyfriend."
"No aunty no one has approached me."
"NO THERE ISN'T EVEN A HINT OF A MAN SNIFFING AROUND ME."
(The last one was said in my head….never, never, never out loud)
When I left university and brought myself back home. I had done some resting and I was reinvigorated. I was going to find a job. I was going to be a career woman. I was going to slip on stilettos and strut around the city in a suit, with a coffee in one hand, mobile phone in the other. I was going be the best. People would stop and look as saying to themselves “now there’s a career woman”. That was the plan. That was the focus.
I was under the impression that everyone believed this to be the plan. I thought we were all focused on getting me into my just-past-the knee fitted pencil skirt with the tailor made matching jacket. The ones with three-quarter length sleeves if you know what I'm talking about, very Victoria Beckham. Alas I was mistaken!
In fact that was not my only mistake. I had been under the impression during my three years at university that my purpose for being there was to get a degree. That belief was woefully wrong. You see after I had finished university, I came home expecting pats on the back, a chorus of ‘well done’ and ‘we are oh so proud’ and to be fair I did get that from close family members. That all changed when I started talking to the aunties and then the questioning began and my answers all went along a similar line to the opening lines above. I could only sit and observe the way their tones changed from one of elation to disappointment and then utter disappointment as the conversation went on. In one particular case, I could practically taste the anxiety my answers produced.
Ok I might be exaggerating a bit, but I have a right to, The first time I had such a conversation, it was understandable, the second was funny, the third was slightly annoying, the 10th was just plain rude and by the time I started watching friend after friend after friend be subjected to the same conversation I was at “Are you being serious right now??”
So I am just going to put this out there now. The reason I went to university was to get a degree, not a man. This could be seen clearly from my constant habit of leaving the house dressed in baggy hoodies, no makeup, and hair not done. If that was not enough evidence, the fact that I was carrying a blanket so that I could take a nap in the 24 hour room at Uni should have been a clue that I was thinking about the books and not the boys.
I am going to admit that as I drove to university I was bright eyed and full of hope. I went on to the campus the first time and thought to myself my husband is somewhere on this campus, waiting to meet me, and we will graduate together and he would be the career man walking next to me when I’m the career woman and people would stop and look and say “That’s a career couple right there” (I still do not know why we wouldn't be in our respective offices doing our jobs, but hey…), basically just think the ending of Legally Blonde. It was a beautiful dream. Then the coursework started, then the exams, then the presentation, more coursework, more exams, and next thing I knew I was graduating and didn't even have the time let alone the energy to even think of ‘let’s find a hubby’.
I know it wasn't the same story for everyone, I knew great couples while I was at uni, but my point is, the purpose of university is to study and grow as a person, not to get into a relationship, so please LEAVE US ALONE and feel free to focus your prayers on us getting a job.
Note: To those currently experiencing this, do not share this post with the aunties or try and explain this to them, that’s just begging for a lecture. Vent in the proper way, start a blog and force everyone else to read it.