I recently separated from someone very close to me. No, it wasn't a romantic relationship. It was something much more meaningful. It was a friendship. A friendship I had assumed would go on for our lifetimes. It wasn't a smooth separation, it was harsh and unexpected. It was a jagged cut, so I guess it’s taking just a bit longer to heal. Though I am not sure that you can ever fully recover from losing such a friendship, but maybe the fact that I miss her is clouding my judgment.
This incident had me re-evaluating my friendships and my way of thinking. It has me asking what it means when I say ‘I love you’. There are certain people in my life that I use those words very freely with and I honestly do mean it. The issue is I used those same words quite often with this particular friend and now here we are existing separate from each other.
Most of us go on utter these words repeatedly in romantic relationships we later walk away from as if there were no ties holding us there. What is the purpose of these words and the emotion called love, if it doesn’t always lead to forever? Does that mean that the love we felt was a lie? So I find myself trying to figure out what I mean when I say I love you; here’s the answer I came up with.
My family, my friends and all those I have lost along the way
When I say I love you…
I mean that I can live with you, but I would really rather not.
I mean that I love the person that you are no matter what your flaws may be.
I mean I treasure the time and the moments we have together.
I mean that I hope we can have a lifetime of those moments.
I mean that I find myself praying for you even when I haven’t planned on it.
I mean that you make me laugh when I’m with you and smile when I think of you.
I mean that I will hurt you a little bit and even risk losing you if that’s what it takes to save you.
I mean that even when you drive me crazy and annoy me to the core, I still wouldn’t swap you for anyone else.
I mean that even when I can’t even bring myself to speak to you I still care about you just the same.
I mean that even when I forget to call, text or Facebook you, I am still thinking of you.
I mean that if I had the ability to make you happy, I would do just that.
I mean that I wish you the very best of the best in life.
I mean that I miss you when you’re not around.
I mean that I see the best in you.