You know how they say you can be absolutely anything you want to be. Well, they said it to me to as a child and I believed it. At school, my teachers said that I was exceptional and I believed it. Growing up I knew that God had truly given me more than any person could ask for. I knew that I wasn't mediocre. They said don’t be an actress; you could be a brain surgeon, a lawyer, an engineer. When career choosing time came and people applied for jobs that they had always being told they could do, many found out that they didn't have the grades to even get on the course. I didn't have this problem. I could be anything I wanted.
Then one day this changed. In 2009 my A-Level Politics results came. I sat 6 exams from that topic, 5 of them came back an A, and the 6th was an E. Upon looking at those results it was readily and easily accepted by everyone around me, including myself that there was a mistake. We instantly requested a remark. They didn't make a mistake. This was a moment in my life I will never forget. I didn't scream, get angry or wonder what had happened. All I could do was lie on my bedroom floor. Literally.
I was suddenly able to see really clearly and my new found vision rocked me to my very core. Firstly I was hit with my own ability to fail. Secondly, I was hit by the amount of pride that had built up in me over the years. I would always say when I passed that it wasn’t me, it was God’s grace and even though I kept saying the words, at some point in my life I had stopped completely believing it. I knew that no matter how intelligent God made a person, it is still only by His grace that they succeed. But I had also started believing that because of what God had placed in me, I could never fail.
Then I went on to university, my confidence was shaken and my imperfections naked before my eyes and I was no longer this exceptional student. I can honestly say that throughout my university experience my grades were perfectly mediocre. Surprisingly enough, this was such a blessing because it took me back to that place where I had to rely on God for success, instead of believing he had given me the capability to be successful by myself.
This attitude stayed with me during my job search and I wasn’t sure that I was good enough to get the jobs I had always dreamed about. Alongside this knowledge was also the fear that they would see that I am simply a fraud. But I still went for it because I know that God’s grace doesn’t look at my abilities or whether I deserve it.
This changed the day I applied for an insight day and I could suddenly see myself truly succeeding in a career in the future. At this insight day, they asked questions and I had answers. They put situations before me and I had insightful matters to bring up. When talking to members of staff after the day, they praised me for the way I stood out. And for the first time in a long time, I felt like I was good enough. I know that all that happened that day was only by God’s grace. Whatever I said was not by my intelligence. It was by God choosing to make me stand out.
So I'm no longer that little girl who thinks she can do and be anything. I am now a slightly bigger girl that truly understands that by God's grace I can do and be anything. It doesn't matter how smart, exceptional and wonderful I am or am not. It doesn't matter how much I do or don’t deserve it. I will get whatever job I get because God decides to give it to me and He will make me more than good enough.