Many are the plans in a person’s heart, but it is the Lord’s purpose that prevails (Proverbs 19: 21).
This bible verse has been so comforting over the last few days. It lets me know that I will ultimately get what I want. I have so many plans and so many hopes, dreams, ambitions about so many things. The list of things I would love to do with my life and in my lifetime is endless, but my ultimate desire is that my life fulfils the purpose for which God created me. Plain and simple.
I read this and it tells me that if any of my many plans depart from God’s purpose, God will bring them into subjection to His will. It tells me that God’s plan for my life is guaranteed, so I can have peace that it is going to be all good.
Lately I have been praying about what God wants me to do about a particular area of my life. I am not going to disclose what that area is. I know that’s annoying, I hate it when other people do it. In fact I wonder why they bother writing about it at all. In this case I am writing this selfishly because I need to get it out somehow. I have cried my quiet tears and struggled to breathe and as I begin to write this, I feel myself breathing just that bit better, deep breath after deep breath.
I have been praying enquiry prayers about what steps to take and when I started praying I knew what I wanted the answer to be. That’s normal enough, as human beings we always have our desires. The issue is the fact that I assumed that the answer I would receive would be the one I wanted. I truly went to God with an open heart and basically said, this is what I want, this is how I feel and what should I do? And God was graceful enough to cut through all my desires and hopes and just tell me as it is. The only problem was (and I guess still is) that it wasn’t what I wanted to hear. When I started praying I thought it was a given that this was the path that I was destined to take. It seemed like everything was falling into place for me to go down this very path and to suddenly find myself having to face the possibility of backing away from this path hurts. That’s the only word I have for it. It hurts.
You see He didn’t say a direct no. What he did was show me that going down my desired path wouldn’t be as rosy as I originally thought and that’s putting it mildly. If I didn’t have such a strong desire to go down that particular path I would have run in the opposite direction by now. Instead I find myself still praying to God about further clarification.
I have come up with 2 options.
Option 1: maybe God is just warning me about what’s ahead and still expects me to go into it.
Option 2: maybe He is telling me this isn’t the path for me.
Based on recent revelations, the first feels like me just hanging on to old dreams, because as people keep telling me no one would willingly choose to enter into this. I wonder now, am I being disobedient by still questioning Him? Am I being disobedient by refusing to see what is right in front of me? Is it glaringly obvious that this is a path I should avoid and I am closing my own eyes to it?
But then God knows me, He knows I am not questioning Him to be disobedient; I am trying to find clarity and peace in obeying Him. So that ten years from today, I don’t start having regrets. I don’t start wondering what if I had just followed my heart. I want to be able to say that I am in God’s will.
I just pray He causes me to stay within His purpose whatsoever path that may take me down.
I am going to end this with a link to a song that expresses how I feel right now, even though it still hurts I find myself mulling over the words of the chorus of this song (below) because apparently it can only get better. As good as I thought this path was for me, it can only get better :)
“What can I do but thank You?
What can I do, but give my life to You?
What can I do but praise You?
Everyday make everything I do
A Hallelujah! A Hallelujah! Hallelujah!”