Feeling Me-Self
In my last blog post, I wrote about how I discovered my outer beauty by giving up makeup. And some of you might be rightfully asking the question if you're so "beautifully and wonderfully made" why would you ever wear makeup again? This is an easy answer; I wore makeup again because I was afraid of what would happen to my new found confidence if I wore makeup again.
I had spent 2 and a half years not wearing makeup and I’d begun to feel more confident in my own skin. I began to enjoy my features exactly the way God had made them and the way life had impacted them. However, at the back of my mind there was this thought that if I ever wore makeup again, I would go back to square one. I'd suddenly forget that I was beautifully and wonderfully made. I'd realise that I obviously looked much better with makeup and while I could enjoy myself without makeup, it wasn't the best version of myself. In essence, I thought I’d find myself thinking that with makeup I could do better than God did.
As you can imagine, I didn't like this train of thought. I’d realised that I wasn't as confident as I wanted to be or as God would have me be. Alongside this realisation, was the upcoming wedding of a friend and in the same way, I had been led to give up makeup, I was led to let go of my fear and wear makeup again for that occasion and that's exactly what I did.
Let me not lie, I thought I looked great. It wasn't heavy makeup, but I looked polished and, dare I say it, prettier. And then I went home and had to scrub off all my face paint and, in the truest sense of the word, it was delightful. It was so good to see my face again. I looked like me and for lack of a better term, I was totally feeling me-self.
And that's where I am today. I do wear makeup occasionally if I'm in the mood to. And I do mean if I'm in the mood to. It's not about trying to present a better version of myself. I wear makeup if I want to play around with my look, similar to changing my hairstyle. To put this in context, I've gone to a wedding with nothing but the face God gave me, but I've gone to ASDA in full makeup because I happened to be in the mood to change my look that day. Currently, I paint my face on average once a month. And I might go months without it and then face paint 3 times in one month.
I said all that to say, yes I do wear makeup sometimes now. However, it's not about putting my best face forward. My best face will always be the one God gifted me with.
I'm not saying that I know it all. I'm only 26. I'm not suggesting that with time, new experiences and growth in Christ my stance on this topic might never change. I might give up makeup forever. However, I'm mindful that I'm not going to run ahead of the leading of the Holy Spirit nor am I going to try and add on to the convictions I have because it might make me more “righteous” in my own eyes. My hope and my prayer that I will move according to and exactly to the leading of God.
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